This week I have been eating really well, but the scale has been rather fickle, going in the opposite direction. It’s was just small little gains, nothing serious, certainly nothing to get upset about.
Now to own up and be HONEST: Yesterday was going well, just normal old routine… until I get faced with an Oreo ball, chocolate sauce, ice cream and marshmallows. I was weak, I was caught off-guard in a moment of weakness, I indulged. I made a conscious decision to break my rules – I did it on the proviso that I would still step on the scales as usual and face the consequences of these actions. There was a little voice in my head that said: “go ahead, go against your better judgement BUT the deal is YOU MUST OWN YOUR EVIL in the morning”.
I knew I was making a poor decision – self sabotage – I’m not perfect. But what I am proud of is after I indulged in this sugary crap is I threw away all the remaining ice cream, I threw away the left over chocolate sauce and the remaining marshmallows too. This moment of weakness would never have happened if I had not had such easy access to these sugary foods.
The indulging didn’t stop there either. Hey, I’m being honest and this is MY PERSONAL DIARY (which I choose to have open for the world to read). So as I was leaving work I had two small liquorice allsort sweets and then once home I found the last two pieces of ginger crunch and was going to put them in the bin but then chose to eat them as I had already “screwed up”. It stopped there.
I have improved, previously I’ve really gone off track and made a whole evening of binge eating. While it might seem like this was a binge, it wasn’t as the portion I had was modest, controlled and just a acceptable serving size, It wasn’t a whole tub of ice-cream.
So this morning, I felt fine, I didn’t feel bloated or puffy. I stepped up ready to OWN MY EVIL:
I’m down to 116.9lbs. I re-weighed to check and again, yep.. down almost a pound to 116.9lbs. I will take it!!!
I’ve had my indulgence and I am so back on the straight and narrow. I suspect there could be a gain tomorrow… who knows… I will weigh every morning just like normal and track the damage but I won’t repeat the behaviour.
Today there were two massive boxes of chocolates open in our workroom where we have lunch. Today I ate lunch else where. I have closed that can of worms. I am not feeding the sugar demon that lurks within me today! I am really proud of myself that I have drawn a line and not slipped up today too.
Those who like to psycho-analyse will try to work out what triggered this slip up… I know it is connected to feelings of deprivation. I had been so good and wasn’t getting reward by the scales and in the heat of the moment of weakness I slipped. But I’m not going back to my old ways. I love being slimmer and how I look now, I love going to my wardrobe knowing I can wear ANYTHING, I love not thinking about whether my tummy is bulging, I am happy, life is pretty good. Why would I give this up?
This weekend I’m going to be totally on track!!